Mama of the Tribe  Torah Observant Blog

 

 

 

Jim Staley said:

"The first rule in finding a mate is:

Dont look for one because you will always choose the wrong one... Because you will

be looking with your eyes open when you should be looking with your eyes closed.

As you begin to pray Abba will do the work and have you run into the one that He wants

for you. He will open your eyes and you will go Wow!!! That is the person!!!

How did I get here? I don't know but will you be mine?!"

 

If you are new to the betrothal process, you may have many questions. I know I did! One of my first questions was does one Marry Biblically for love? As women, do we marry without any feeling? As I dug deep intro the Scriptures, what I found was very different than what I expected to find. No where in the Scritpures does it say a woman must love their husbands initially. It does very well indeed say a man must love his wife. Wait a minute! Is it possible to marry without being "in love"? Surely, it is not wrong if you do, but it is not a requirement from Yahweh.

I will propose the following: If you marry with out any deep in love feelings, it is because you have not begun to keep your covenant yet. Those deep "in love" feelings will come once Honor has been given to our Creator in our marriages. Love and happiness will come, having fun together, being each others best friend but that only comes once you stop making that the point. It is a side effect of first doing what is commanded of us in a marriage and that is to:

 

1. Men love your wives

2. Women respect your husbands

 

During tough times, marriage is pulled together through relying on what is commanded of us: (Him) to love and (Her) to respect, and to remember the point of marriage is not to make us happy but to HONOR Yahweh.

 

How do we honor Yahweh with our Marriages? Lets explore.

 

The purpose of marriage is to mirror the relationship between Yahweh and His people (Yeshua) John 15:16, to be fruitful and multiply (Bereshiet-Genesis) Gen 1:28 and to keep one from temptation according to Shaul (Paul) 1 Corinth 7:9. 

 

The next question I would ask myself after courtship questions knowing that it would lead to Betrothal is the following...

 

Does He Love me? Do I respect him?

 

These are the two most crucial questions you should ask yourself before getting betrothed.

Then I would ask, is there a connection when you look into each others eyes? If yes, than thats a good thing.

Does he have a great relationship with his parents and siblings? Are his parents Torah Observant in Messiah as well?

What does his relationship look like with Elohim? What evidence do both him and I have that this was ordained by Elohim?

 

The following question is always one in this society that for some reason no one wants to talk about. It is so crucial for the future of the marriage and future children. Financial stability...

In todays society, its first lets get married and then we talk about finances. No, no, no, no, no!!! Not scripturally!

We need to get that western talk out of our minds and lets see what Abba says about provision.

 

Exodus 21:10 gives three requirements that the husband must complete and that is:

1. Food

2. Clothing

3. Conjugal Rights

 

We also see traditionally that there is a Bride price and gifts to the Bride. This demonstrates the man being wealthy enought to provide for physical comfort of the Bride as a minimum.

 

1 Yochanan (John) 3:18 says, Dear Children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

 

Rivkah was asked, will you go with this man to Issac? She said "I do". She had not met him yet and yet she accepted. Rivkah knew she would be provided for, there was a bride price and gifts given. There were no emotions involved, just facts and actions. Gen 24:57

 

So do you marry for love?

Love as an action (being provided for) yes!

Love as a physical emotion? Yes and no.

This is where we need to guard our hearts and be careful as it can cloud our judgement.

 

Emotions follow commitment. Does he meet the requirements of being able to be a provider and leader of the home?

A man does not have to be a leader to the community but he MUST be a leader to his home.

 

1 Titus 3:5 says, For if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how shall he then look after the assembly of Elohim?

 

1 Timothy 5:8 says, Anyone who does not provide for his own people, especially for his family has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

 

Ephesians 5:21-33

*Wives SUBMIT to your Husband, as they do to Yahweh.

*Husband is the HEAD of wife, as Messiah is head of Israel.

*Messiah keeps the body SAFE.

*Husband LOVE your wife, as Messiah loves His people.

*Messiah did a MIKVEH to make himself clean to be presented to His Bride without spot or blemish.

*Husbands should LOVE their own wives, like their own bodies, as he loves himself.

*Therefore, a man will leave his father and mother and CLEAVE to his wife and the two shall become one (Echad).

*Wife must RESPECT her husband.

 

Summing up Ephesians 5:

Husbands are to be the HEAD and LOVE their wives, LOVE her as he loves his OWN BODY, be WITHOUT BLEMISH and he shall CLEAVE to his wife and keep her SAFE.

Wives are to SUBMIT and RESPECT their husbands.

 

Women, once you have identified you respect your potential husband then you know he is the one to marry. If a woman never respects her husband, she will never love him, nor trust him to keep her safe and secure.

 

The womans role in the house.

 

Titus 2 Woman:

 

We see that the older women are to:

*Not be false accusers

*Not enslaved by much wine

*Be teachers of good things

*Train young women to be modest, love their husbands and children.

*Be discreet

*Chaste

**Good Homemakers

*Good

*Obedient to their husbands

*Exhort their children to be modest

So that the WORD of Yahweh NOT be Blasphemed.

 

 

 

 

 

According to the Scriptures, If a husband teaches his wife to go to work, he may be going over Elohim and the Word of Elohim is blasphemed. He is also violating 1 Timothy 5: 7-8, as stated above. A biblical husband is supposed to be the provider. When the wife becomes a co-provider, she takes on the responsibilties that Elohim has given to her husband. The man looses a piece of his masculinity and may be forever dependent on his wifes salary and she forfeits a part of her natural womanliness by leaving the feminine concerns of the home that were designed for her by Elohim. The husband becomes dependent upon her salary and loses his sense of urgency and drive to earn a living.

 

Instead her husband should be dependent upon her in ways that require her feminine strengths to care for and guide the home. Hence above, **Good Homemakers. Her work at home advances his health and well being so that he may be motivated to make provision for his family. Biblical women have a spiritual obligation to be keepers of the home. When a husband asks his wife to bring a full time income into the home, he is asking her to disobey Yahweh's purpose for her in life and neglect their home and children.

 

In todays society, we are taught its ok for the woman to work full time. Or we cant live unless there are two incomes in the home. As good as it sounds on paper, it just doesnt fully work. Our creator knows what is best for us and how he designed us and for what purpose. Ladies, it starts with us, teaching our boys to become strong gentlemen in Messiah who will lead their families and provide for them. Now a days, we even see the woman working while the man stays home. I cant tell someone what they must do in their own home, I can only point out what Yahweh has to say about the roles of men and women in the home and certain consequences it may have if we disobey.

 

Men are to provide and love thier wives, and women are to respect their husbands and be good homemakers.

 

Ladies if we are out working full time out of the home, who is raising our children? Can you trust the school to teach your children values and uphold Torah? You are teaching creation at home, while evolution is pushed down thier throats. Common core is instituted to show there is no right and wrong in life. The 10 commandments are being taken out of school. Some states refer to boys and girls as penguins to not offend male/female transgenders. Sex is being taught at 6 grade. Unkosher vaccinations are being given to our children behind our backs. Our children being constantly exposed to pagan influences and from children of homes who do not follow Torah. History is being removed from the books and is being rewritten to support Globalists. GMO foods and so much more...

Lets remember the Shema, where we are to listen and obey Yahweh. To teach our children when we rise up, when we sit down, when we walk and when we lay down. We can not teach them if both mom and dad are away from home 10 hours a day.

 

We also have the famous Proverbs 31 woman.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All of Proverbs 31 talks about a woman of the home, how she supports her husband and runs her household. There is no woman who exists and is capable of all these things at once but many do have a lot of these characteristics. In verse 24, we see a reference to her making fine linen garments and sells. If she is supporting her husband, it is from home where she has a watchful eye over the home, children, garden, sewing, food etc. She is not out working 5 days a week for 8-9 hours a day. Her children rise up and call her Blessed, her husband also, for he praises her. And let her works praise her in the gates.

 

Im not saying that as a woman you can not do things around the home that can help bring in income and help manage your husbands affairs etc. What I am saying is when we seek after full time careers that deflect us away from the home daily and we are not there to raise our children in a TO home in Messiah. I am also not here to condemn anyone who is in this situation. I really wanted to seek out what our Creator has to say about our roles as husband and wife and father and mother and this is what came out to me over and over. Just on a secular level back in the 50's the women stayed home and the family dynamics and values where so different then to now.

 

Courtship or Pre Betrothal

 

The first thing both the maiden and the suitor should do before entering into a courtship is to sit down with their parents and write out a list of important qualities and characteristics they are looking for in a husband/wife. This should also be prayed over with the parents.

 

Here is an example of deal breakers for a woman to consider: (change/add to your liking)

 

1. Torah Observant (TO) in Messiah

2. Keeps Shabbat and all Feast days

3. Keeps Kosher

4. Uses the Fathers name YHWH.

5. Financially stable to support a family and provide

6. Capable of being a leader to the family

7. Has an involved happy family (parents who are TO)

8. Must be his first and only marriage.

9. Wants Children

10. High Moral, Character qualities

11. Has self control (boundries)

12. He loves me

 

Once you have decided to be in a courtship or pre-betrothal process, you might want to talk about with both parents involved what the boundries are, how long this courtship should be etc. Once going thru the list of questions for Betrothal, feel comfortable enough and are led by the Ruach to get Betrothed then you can skip the coursthip stage.

 

Once the couple is ready for Betrothal then there is a Kiddushin Ceremony that takes place, usually under a Chuppah, with both families present and taking of the wine solidifying it. The Bridegroom also presents the Ketubah (marriage contract) to his Bride. The family or witnesses will sign it as well as the couple.

 

Usually After the Betrothal, the couple separates for an entire year and the Bridegroom goes and prepares the house for them until which time he return for His Bride. The Bride usually does not know the day or the hour of the Nisuin Ceremony (Marriage Ceremony), she just needs to be prepared with her dress to get ready at a moments notice. Having Oil in your Lamps ready :)

(this time period can be whatever you make it)

 

The Bridegrooms family helps with the Marriage preparations.

 

When Bridgegroom is ready, the Shofar is blown and the Phrase "The Bridegroom is coming"! When she hears the Shofar she knows its time to get ready and go.

 

That night the marriage is consumated and all is completed.