Mama of the Tribe  Torah Observant Blog

Raising your Children Torah Observant in Messiah

 

 

What does it mean to raise your children TO in Moshiach? I grew up in a TO home from Birth, and my life definitely differed to other children’s lives around me. There were hardly any families with little girls my age with same beliefs to play with. The one girl who was in my life, left around age 10 and although we are still friends today, after that there were no friends in this faith around me.

 

The amount of information we have now due to internet and a spiritual awakening going on around us will differ tremendously, how I was raised TO and how my children will be raised TO.

 

We didn’t know back then about what was in vaccines or its purpose; I was not groomed for marriage and/or knew how to run a TO home. Homeschooling was looked down upon or hardly even known about or how to do it. My Ima (Mother) didn’t know there was another way… The American influence of corporal punishment was the way to discipline.  My abba (Father) didn’t know another way...

 

My father was raised right in Miami Beach, with traditional American values and one of those being when you turn 18 you can do whatever you want. Until then, you follow my rules in my house. I know he was doing his best with what he knew. But what he really did was train me to truly believe when I was 18, I literally could do whatever I wanted. Granted, when I turned 18, I was not doing drugs or partying crazy but I really thought, “I am now 18, I can make my own choices and I don’t need my parents’ permission to make them”. How that concept is so flawed and should not even be a part of your vocabulary. Get rid of it!

 

Although I was not a crazy girl party girl, I did make decisions that were not wise and could have been totally avoided, if I had been raised in a different mindset.  I was a focused gal, responsible and studious but I made bad decisions when it came to marriage and choosing the man and not waiting on YHWH to provide. (Lack of TO men in the area)

 

Why am I throwing my parents under the bus? Simple, it’s because I do not want to make the same mistakes with my children and I don’t want you to make the same mistake either. I really had a fantastic upbringing, but now as an adult an a mother, there are things I see that I can take to the next level.

 

Now, I will get to the positives of my experiences growing up TO and I think those will be self-explanatory but I want to focus on some tips that I have for me and for all of you reading. How many of you know someone who grew up TO? Like from 31 years ago? Please trust me on this. If there is one thing I want you to pay attention to is what I am going to say right now.

 

Make this Faith in Moshiach Yeshua son of the Elohim YHWH, your Childs Faith!

 

I cannot stress how imperative this is! It is fundamental to your children’s salvation and to their faith and beliefs and how they will be molded and will grow up with stronger foundational beliefs at an earlier age. Better than you and I combined.

 

So what would I heavily suggest?

 

1. I would never encourage my children once they are 18 they can make their own decisions without influence of their father’s or our help and guidance. Clearly it is very rare that young adults will make godly decisions and even for the most responsible child; he/she can make errors due to lack of wisdom and experience. There is a difference between being a dictator parent and being a parent who asks for respect and honor from his children. Children are to honor their parents, so their days may be long…  TO parents know what is best for their children and have the experience to help them make proper decisions along the way. In turn, children should honor their parent’s requests and guidance.

2. Just because they are 18 does not mean they have to move out of the house. (My parents never actually encouraged this but I thought I could because I am now 18 see?) They really shouldn’t be moving out until they are ready for marriage or in certain circumstances where they may have to due to choice of school. The reasons for moving out should be responsible ones and not just because they want to move away to get away from the family.

3. Make this Faith their own!!! You are new to Torah… your so engrossed in this walk, trying to soak up all the information you can. You forget about your children. You assume they will just grasp it by hearing you talk or it’s not even in the forefront of your mind. You are so desperately trying to understand this new love for Torah, your spouse and children are left to the side. (it happens…) I would make an effort to stop, go slow and don’t leave your spouse or children behind. This faith needs to be theirs too. If it doesn’t feel like its theirs but their parents faith and walk, trust me, they will not stay in it once they are an adult. Unless YHWH has other plans for them and pulls them back in, causing them to remember their childhood walk. We don’t want them to go thru heartache to get there, if they even due get there, do we? The children ate the Passover in Exodus; let’s include them greatly all week, every Shabbat, every Feast Day. Let them breathe and live Toah and Messiah daily just like you.

4. Have community for your children. Your children MUST be around other like-minded families. Don’t think it’s healthy to separate yourself from the whole world and live somewhere with no like-minded families around. We are social human beings. YHWH created us like that. Children need interaction with others of same beliefs. We desperately need COMMUNITY in this faith. Our children need to have "Neighbors" they can rely on. We see that thru Scripture. They were all set up in communities.                                 Honestly, this concept is hard for many to grasp, I have seen it over and over. Please, please, please give your children community.

5. I would highly recommend Homeschooling. I use Homeschooling Torah. Although there are ways around this if your situation does not allow you.  I can guarantee you that your children are far better off with you at home versus being groomed by this current society’s standards. If you have to send your children to a school, make sure you supplement with character training at home and reading the Scripture’s daily as well as doing Shabbat/Feast Day related activities and subjects. Leave the secular subjects to the school and focus on the Scriptures at home. Unless you are super fortunate to have a Messianic school by your home, I would recommend choosing a Jewish School over a Christian Private School, if you can afford it. Jewish Schools focus their curriculum on Shabbat, Feast Days, Mitzvahs, Commandments, Blessings, stories from the Scriptures plus the secular learning. Christian Schools don’t do any of that, but they do teach Christmas, Easter, Halloween and altered Christian doctrine, slain in the spirit and forcing children to speak in babble tongues in front of their peers. They might have a good secular curriculum, but it’s not any better than public schools have to offer. Charter schools are free and have a better model than public schools.

6. Creation or Evolution? This is a big thing. Schools shove Evolution down everyone’s throats even in College. It can be confusing for a child. I know I was. I remember having conversations with friends who were religious of some form and went to public school with me and we would ask each other if we believed in Creation or Evolution. Guess what. We all were confused. I think we probably leaned more towards creation but yep we were confused. Reinforce this concept at home in great detail. There is a lot of evidence now that supports creation. Dinosaurs have been used to support Evolution theories. Thus many Christians have not let their children play with dinosaurs because of it. Dinosaurs obviously existed, to what degree they depict them as? I don’t know but it apparent there are animals bones that when put together don’t resemble any animals we have today. I let my son play with dinosaurs, but I don’t teach him they lived millions of years ago. When he is old enough, I will talk to him about different possibilities that make more scriptural sense and possibly even have him do a research paper on it from a biblical perspective.

7. Purity. I would teach both my son and daughter about waiting and keeping themselves pure for their future spouse. Teach them to guard their hearts and not engage in touching until marriage. The less they are physically touched the more their hearts are guarded. Getting married is like a Torah Scroll. We have 2 animal skins come together and become one. As it rolls out, it has 2 sides, it comes back together and it becomes one (Echad).

8. Preparation for life. As adults following feast days, do we not every single year rehearse for the coming of our Messiah? Do we not obey and follow commandments to prepare for eternal salvation? Same concept for our children.

 

• Boys should be groomed to Love YHWH and be financially stable for a family. He has no business dating, courting or getting betrothed if he is not at least somewhat near that goal. I will start guiding my son from an early age so he is not too far away from being financially stable. Let’s not have them wait until they are 30 to be there.

• Girls should be groomed to Love YHWH and to be a wife, mother, run a TO home and help her husband be a leader. Once she is ready, we can talk about actually asking YHWH to commence the process of marriage.

 

Of course, there is so much more to that, girls can go to college and such but these would be the                   minimal requirements I would look at for them to start a process of leading towards marriage from a biblical perspective.

 

Both boy and girl will be prepped and spoken to from an early age about all topics that deal with purity, marriage, birth, niddah, tracking her cycle, caring and raising children, nursing, being a leader, financially stable to start a family etc. (Some topics obviously start earlier or later than others) I would not encourage the start of the marriage process until I see both my son and daughters are mature and my son is financially ready to take on a family.

 

1 Titus 3:5 says, For if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how shall he then look after the assembly of Elohim?

 

1 Timothy 5:8 says, Anyone who does not provide for his own people, especially for his family has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

 

Exodus 21:10 gives three requirements that the husband must complete and that is:

• Food

• clothing

• Conjugal Rights

 

Summing up Ephesians 5:

• Husbands are to be the HEAD and LOVE their wives, LOVE her as he loves his OWN BODY, be WITHOUT BLEMISH and he shall CLEAVE to his wife and keep her SAFE.

• Wives are to SUBMIT and RESPECT their husbands.

 

For more reading on preparation of marriage, click here.

 

 9.  I would be highly involved in their spiritual walk and the process of marriage.

 

Helping them make Elohim like decisions so they are not set back. Ask about their feelings and help your children work thru them.

 

Example: If a young boy/girl is having difficulty with containing his/her fleshly desires, do not brush it off and ignore it just because they are not at an "appropriate age". Deal with it. Talk to them, have them pray about it. Just because it’s not something they should be doing doesn’t mean we ignore it. We must talk about their weaknesses and concerns with them. Guiding them and holding them to a higher standard as they get older and more mature in their walk.

 

 10.  Pray and read with them daily. Never stop reading to them!!!

 

  11.  Have daily conversations about Elohim and in everything you do. Duet 6…

 

For suggestions on how to do this, click here to read Anne Elliots blog on how to have conversations with Kids about Elohim.

 

  12.  Make sure they really understand why they need Yeshua for salvation.

 

As they get older, get deeper with it. Build those firm legs under that table so they can’t be broken nor waiver.

 

 

 

So now that I explained some of the things that I would change and do differently, I am going to provide you with some of the positive memories I have growing up TO.

 

• I remember going every year for Sukkot to a different site to fellowship with many other believers. I traveled all up and down the east coast of USA, even to the islands for Sukkot.

• I remember keeping Shabbat from sundown to sundown, every single week.

• I remember cleaning out the house for leaven for the Days of ULB.

• I remember making Matzah Turkey sandwiches instead of using bread.

• I remember learning to keep Kosher and understanding why we shouldn’t eat unclean things.

• I remember Davidic dancing, that I was too shy to try out.

• I remember the songs we sang in Hebrew.

• I remember the blessings we said for the candles, bread, wine and much more.

• I remember helping out in the temple for younger children services.

• I remember always doing Mitzvah’s by giving away toys to children who were poor in the area we went to for Sukkot. What a lasting impression of their faces when my brother and I would hand these toys out. They were so happy to see new crayons, coloring books and little toys.

• I never saw my parents fight in front of us growing up.

• At 4 years old, at my preschool, I vividly remember standing up for my beliefs and crying because they brought Santa Clause and they wanted me to sit on his lap. I refused to do it. I told them that Santa is the Devil. (If memory serves me correctly… lol) They called my Mother and she came and picked me up.

• At 11 yrs old, I remember praying to YHWH for the rain to stop because we really needed to get inside the grocery store and we couldn’t get out of the car the rain was so bad. Well he must have had been showing me an answered prayer because the rain immediately stopped and the sun came out.

• My mother said I always looked forward to feast days because I would get to play with children of our faith there and do children activities.

• My Mother also says, the most important impact she has seen in my life growing up into an adult is my character. Both her and my father stressed so much the importance of high moral and building my character to do the right thing. As an adult, I do tend to hold people to high standards because I hold myself to high standards. Character Building was engrained in me from very early on thru Torah and Messiah.

 

 I pray you find these tips helpful. Shalom and Blessings!